Tag Archives: psychological abuse

Why Abusers Ruin Holidays

It’s a recurring theme.  Countless survivors report the same scenario:  the abuser ruined every single holiday.  It happened to me.  Every holiday, no matter how much I cleaned, prepared, shopped, and cooked –  was ruined.  No holiday was ever off limits.  At a time when normal people are enjoying a break from work responsibilities, to enjoy happy times with loved ones, focusing on the joy of the day at hand, and appreciating those whose hard work made the festivities possible, while putting their best foot forward, Mr. (or Mrs.) Nasty makes it their mission to make you miserable.  It’s as if they know they have you as a captive audience, and seem to take twisted delight in ruining special occasions.

But why do they do this?  This article holds some answers:  “Narcissists and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals seem to thrive on ruining holidays.  If you are reading this blog, I’m sure you’ve been victim to this phenomenon. If you stop and think about it, you can look back over the various holidays and personal birthdays and recall yourself trying to appease the narcissistic person in your life.  You were most likely trying to make sense of the drama.  But, truth be told, you may have discovered that there is no sense to be made…The characterologically challanged individual is hellbent on destruction, particularly relationship destruction, and even more particularly than usual, during a special day…”  When the Narcissist (or other such Emotional Abuser) In Your Life Ruins The Holidays, Sharie Stines, Psy.D

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The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser: Projection and Blame-shifting

Have you ever noticed that the psychologically abusive person invariably accuses you of what they’re really doing?  Once I understood this, I never bothered to entertain these pathetic, over the top, manipulative mind games again.

Their nonsensical word-salad, hysterical shrieking & carrying-on, their woe-is-me guilt trips, sneaky, sleight of hand distractions, lies of omission, half-truths & distortions, “because I said so” circular logic, their exaggerated over-acting, wild gesticulations, stomping about, and verbal diarrhea will show itself as the ridiculous and pathetic over-acting job that it really is; a desperate attempt to conceal who and what they really are, underneath their carefully crafted, charming charade.  And you will know everything that they themselves are really up to, behind all of their ridiculous blustering, and blundering about.  The following article does a wonderful analysis of these sad tactics.

“Like a volcano burbling and and ready to spew hot magma, hissing and blowing steam, prepared to erupt at any given moment, narcissistic abusers have great difficulty when their false self mask slips. Underneath the mask lies a psychic void in which the narcissist seeks to extract ego fuel, or narcissistic supply, from his/her relationships and interactions (Schneider, 2017). When a narcissistic abuser feels exposed due to a short-coming of their own, this person will feel as if a narcissistic injury has been imposed upon them by their targeted object (person supplying ego fuel).  It’s hard to fathom that setting a healthy boundary with a narcissist is interpreted by the abuser as an egregious, blasphemous and slanderous statement they take very personally. A healthy individual would receive a constructive comment as an opportunity to learn, grow, make amends, compromise, and evolve with their loved one. A narcissistic person is threatened by any input which renders them any thing less than exceptionally unique and special.”

Complete Article: The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser: Projection and Blame-shifting

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How To Overcome Fear After Psychological Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

How To Overcome Fear After Psychological Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

“Understanding how to overcome fear is a crucial part of narcissistic abuse recovery.  As you wander out into the world free from the narcissist’s chains, you might feel, well, off.  You probably find yourself second-guessing every decision you make. Maybe you’ve noticed your behavior is more impulsive than you remember.  This is normal.”  How To Overcome Fear After Psychological Narcissistic Abuse

What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is dangerous to your mental health.  It is sneaky, insidious, manipulative, and ultimately very destructive.  These all-encompassing strategies to control someone’s realities, their personality, daily interactions may not seem to be like “real abuse”, but it is definitely very harmful.   The goal is to completely overpower you until you no longer remember who you are, until the abuser has complete control over every aspect of your life, and of your very identity.

” Coercive control is a pattern of controlling behaviors over time more akin to terrorism and stalking [1]. While psychological abuse does not always lead to physical violence, it is nearly always preceded and accompanied by psychological abuse [2]. Coercive control represents the unseen psychological abuses victims experience in the most damaging relationships. The intent of coercive control is subjugation of the victim and complete control by the abuser.” https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/what-is-coercive-control/?fbclid=IwAR0r6RpFYarZpsAb9ruJJJDXjCIG21MCT-Eu1OyEoA98kY_H-F6065pcnOE

Coercive control is a very strategic, ongoing set of behaviors designed to erase the victim’s identity, free will, and critical thinking.  Coercive Control

Outsiders can see bruises.  They can readily identify physical injuries as abuse.  But coercive control is fleeting, and sometimes seemingly insigificant to the outside observer.  Coercive control operates under the radar, while being outwardly charming and agreeable to the rest of the world.  Herein lies the biggest danger.

Coercive control takes some study. It takes time to identify for the outsider.  This is a set of behaviors purposely designed to go undetected.  If you sense someone is unhappy, if they don’t seem free to enjoy life, seem harried, stressed and walking on egghsells for someone else, pay attention!  Coercive, manipulative and controlling behavior can be insidious.  Take the time to know and understand what is going on.     Coercive Control: The Hidden Side of Domestic Abuse

This dangerous form of abuse relies on a range of behaviours or actions that can be very subtle and nuanced. The intention is to exploit and dominate and to ultimately deprive the victim of their most basic rights and needs. Over time, the victim may lose the very essence of being, the sense of who they are, their likes and dislikes, rendering their needs and desires irrelevant – hence hostage taking and living under an enforced regime.  So, what exactly is coercive control?

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Why Family Courts and CPS Target Fit Parents, by Patricia Mitchell

By Patricia Mitchell

Rich, poor, middle class – no child in America is safe. These words of award-winning investigative journalist Keith Harmon Snow (author of The Worst Interests of the Child) refer to the abusive practices that regularly occur within the Family Courts and Child Protective Services (CPS) Courts. On their watch, each year hundreds of thousands of children suffer from abuse (including rape and prolonged torture) that would not have happened without this court system’s initial invasion and subsequent entrapment.

Removing children from their homes, separating children from parents, and creating conflict within the family unit is good business for the judicial officials and has become what the Family and CPS Courts do best.

Court officials heavily profit from these induced conflicts. They have learned how to milk the system for financial gain, by targeting the protective (fit) parent instead of the abusive (unfit) parent, resulting in children getting placed with pedophiles, sadistic sociopaths, and narcissists, in life-threatening environments. Although “the State” will pay the court officials if a low income or poor family is involved, the system forces protective parents who are middle class or wealthier to foot the bills for all court services. Either way, rich or poor, court officials have made a big business out of family conflicts, using children as currency.

Why would the courts target a fit parent instead of an unfit parent? Because there is no money to be made off of the unfit one. The Family and CPS Courts require one parent willing to participate with them, to care about the child’s well being and, most importantly, to make a commitment to the courts. Protective parents will do anything and everything the courts demand of them. Whereas abusive parents are more likely to give in after the court system’s first hurdle, demand, or when he/she sees the bills, simply saying, “Fine, take the child.”  Why Family Courts and CPS Target Fit Parents

Mom Files Civil Rights Lawsuit to Restore Parental Rights, Press Conference

“Reactive Abuse”/They call you abusive for reacting to their abuse”

“A very common aspect of psychological abuse and manipulation is for the abuser to claim that the victim is being abusive towards them. I’ve written about the abusers “victim complex”, and “gaslighting” in this manner before.
But right now I want to address the specific scenario in which the victim snaps at the abuser. They endure and endure, they have been told that there is nothing to react to, they have been told they overreact to everything, so they are afraid to mention their hurt, and confusion, and cannot acknowledge they are being abused. 
The endure so much for so long, they snap. They scream at the abuser. Insult them. Maybe even throw in a low-blow or unfair insult. They may even physically attack, although this is very very uncommon in victims of abuse. 
The abuser jumps on this reactionary outburst. They claim it is “proof” that the victim is unstable. They claim it is “proof” that the victim is the abuser after all. They can hold it up, and hold it against the victim for as long as they can, and as hard as they can. 
The abuser turns the roles, and paints themselves as the victim.””

 

 

Guardian Ad Litem Audit in Minnesota

A legislative commission on Thursday approved several state programs it would like the Legislative Auditor to evaluate, including the health department’s Office of Health Facility Complaints and the Minnesota Guardian ad Litem program, both subjects of 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Investigations in November.

The Office of the Legislative Auditor said its evaluation will look into management, governance, oversight and processes of specific program areas.”

http://kstp.com/politics/legislative-auditor-evaluates-health-department-office-health-facility-compaints-guardian-ad-litem-program-/4447495/

Reform family law courts – hold judges, GALs, attorneys and court VENDORS accountable with REAL punishment when they break the law, violate mandated duties or when their actions cause HARM

Reform family law courts – hold judges, GALs, attorneys and court VENDORS accountable with REAL punishment when they break the law, violate mandated duties or when their actions cause HARM!

Easter Blessings To Those Separated From One Another Due to Family Court Corruption

Stay Strong.  Love Wins.  Truth always eventually comes out.  Karma works, and selfish, evil people will face their Maker one day.  In the end, though they made their pile of cash, they cannot sever your Bond.