What happens when the Narcissist realizes they can no longer control you?
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is on a mission to demystify and dismantle the toxic influence of narcissism on all of our lives. She is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica and Sherman Oaks, CA and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, where she was named Outstanding Professor in 2012, and a visiting professor at the University of Johannesburg. She was also the national recipient of the American Association of University Women Emerging Scholar Award.
“The reason Narcissits hold so much power in your family, your workplace, and society is because they are enabled. In workplaces nobody wants to kill the “golden goose”, society confuses arrogance and narcissism with confidence, families are scared of the narcissists’s rage, and social media rewards the outrageous, shameless behavior that narcissists are the masters at. The challenge is that once you’ve been woke to this pattern of narcissism, you see it and you can’t unsee it, and not just in the narcissist that has lead you on this journey of becoming more knowledgeable, but also in many people around you. You start to see that you have been playing on a toxic playing field for a long time. But if you know some of the kinds of statements and things that the enablers say, it lets you know that you are in fact potentially dealing with enablers and perhaps you can then stop questioning yourself, set better boundaries and hold onto your own reality.”
On Sunday, August 1, 2021, over one hundred mothers submitted a formal complaint to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women denouncing the United States Government, and the states within for systematic human rights violations waged against women and children throughout the family court systems in the country. The Complaint alleges human rights violations that include systematic gender bias, discrimination on the basis of sex, and facilitation of physical, sexual, financial, legal, and emotional abuse of women and children.The Complaint was submitted by advocacy groups One Mom’s Battle and Custody Peace with over one hundred women throughout the United States joining in the Complaint.
Through personal letters submitted with the Complaint, these brave women provided firsthand accounts of their experience suffering injustices and human rights violations in family court.The Claim submitted to the UN documents disturbing trends throughout family courts in the U.S. including a failure to recognize coercive control tactics as domestic violence warranting court intervention, the tendency of judges to discredit mothers’ child abuse allegations particularly when the father alleges parental alienation as a counterclaim, the weaponization of the family court system itself by an abuser as a means to harass and control a domestic violence victim, punishment of women who raise child safety and abuse concerns by stripping them of custody rights, and judges’ bias towards and unfavorable treatment of women who resist shared parenting with an ex-intimate partner who abused them and/or their child, often leading to a dismissal of these women as simply angry, emotional or crazy.
Learn more, donate to the movement, or to join the Global Family Court Advocacy Community at www.custody-peace.org
I keep uncovering more of my ex-husband’s fraud and lies. Just when you think a person couldn’t possibly lie this much, you find more. It’s truly astounding. I can’t wrap my head around someone lying so much, committing so much blatant felony fraud – doing it all so effortlessly – to so many people.
I recently paid for a subscription to PACER, the online federal court records system. I looked up my ex’s bankruptcy, and sure enough he lied in that too. Case #: 1:15-bk-22226 He committed felony fraud with the lies that he filed in these court papers. He falsely claimed that his nearly $100k debt with divorce lawyer Meg Jackson was due to me trying to take away his visitation. He’s so good at the pity play – the poor victim act, but in fact, his debt was due to HIM aggressively re-litigating custody over and over again after it had been decided in my favor – in all he filed EIGHT petitions for Sole Custody. And it was HIM that took away completely any contact with my child.
I’m not sad that Meg Jackson (Now Mary Elizabeth) never got paid for all of her vicious legal abuse, bullying and harassment. She seemed more suited to a bar-room brawl, than a so-called dignified court of law. She lied so much for my ex-both in court and in the sleazy, schlocky crap she would file on his behalf. She clearly never verified any of his horrific, and ridiculous lies before she filed them.
Perhaps there is some justice in seeing the woman who bullied me mercilessly get stiffed. Jackson was the thug who sent me a cruel email immediately after my father’s death trying to keep me from his funeral. Perhaps she and my ex deserved each other.
He falsely claimed in his bankruptcy filing that he had been forced to pay my attorney’s fees of $22k. At no time did he ever pay my attorney’s fees-there was never such a court order entered! I WISH Judge Levinson would have followed the equal playing field laws and ordered him to pay my legal fees, then I wouldn’t have run out of money for a lawyer, and been thrown to the rabid wolves while trying to represent myself!
He also fraudulently concealed from the bankruptcy trustee his home purchase-the home where he currently resides in Hoffman Estates – by having someone else buy in his name, then as soon as the bankruptcy discharged, placing it in his own name.
It was impossible to stay ahead of his years-long, aggressive legal abuse and court stalking for three reasons:
1.) He was making over $100k per year at the time. (Of course he lied about his salary in the family court documents)
2.) He was exploiting my elderly, ill father who had Parkinson’s disease for over $60K, and eventually used his fraudulent custody switch to manipulate my father into signing over my share of our four generation family farm trust to him worth in the millions of dollars. Class 1 Felony, Elder Abuse: Financial Exploitation Of An Elderly Person With A Disability. https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/fulltext.asp?DocName=072000050K17-56#:~:text=(b)%20Sentence.-,Financial%20exploitation%20of%20an%20elderly%20person%20or%20a%20person%20with,or%20more%20but%20less%20than
3.) He’s a lawyer kiter! He kept stiffing his lawyers – he went through six lawyers this way! Just like a check kiter, he scammed his own lawyers by kiting them, one after the other. Too bad in a place as big as Chicago, they never had the chance to meet each other to compare notes. He would hire one, pay a retainer, they would do work for him, he would stop paying, they would continue filing stuff against me while he made false promises to pay, until they got tired of working for free and withdrew, while he already had a new lawyer lined up to cycle through the same way. The biggest debt he refused to pay was his last lawyer, Meg Jackson-who now goes by “Mary Elizabeth”, and moved her law practice to Lake County. They fought each other in federal court when he illegally discharged her bill in his fraudulent bankruptcy.
I’ll never forget the day in family court when Meg Jackson filed her appearance, with his old attorney present representing the office of Jeffrey Leving, arguing to get paid. Meg Jackson was crying and whining on behalf of her new client to get the deranged, imbalanced and perpetually intoxicated Judge Alfred Levinson to sign an order forcing Jeffrey Leving’s office to release his case files they were holding – their attempt to make him pay. The easily-manipulated Judge Levinson signed the order, because corrupt Child Rep Natalie Koga wanted more $$$-making litigation, and my ex with his seemingly never-ending supply of $$$ was out for blood. This paved the way for the most vicious legal abuse of all – a fraudulent custody switch to my ex, and complete loss of contact with my son, not even allowed to send a Christmas or Birthday card, or even have supervised visitation.
The lies he told in family court were the most sleazy imaginable, to the point where my highly-respected attorney Karen Conti stated “after a day in court on the Mehdipour divorce I feel like I need to go home and take a shower.” The most disturbing, was the day my ex took the witness stand under oath, actually claiming I tried to abort my son. Can you imagine how traumatic this was to hear, and to then feel like I had no choice but to contact my obstetrician, requesting a doctor’s letter stating the truth? What kind of a sick person even thinks something like that up in the first place???!!!
The fraud on the court in the family law case was so egregious, that most of the major players, including Judge Levinson, Child Rep Natalie Koga, and my ex’s lawyer Elliott Heidelberger all abruptly “retired” early, simultaneously, to avoid investigation. Meg Jackson changed her name to “Mary Elizabeth”, and moved her practice to Lake County.
My ex-husband told countless vicious, life-altering lies about me, causing my family and me immeasurable hurt and pain. And they were told with such apparent charm and ease.
I’ve also uncovered secret Post Office Boxes he kept while we were married. Everything truly was a big lie.
Welcoming immigrants is a value we Americans uphold. Especially immigrants that are honest, hard-working, and do whatever they can to give back to their welcoming host country, and try to make this a better place. But taking advantage of everyone’s kindness and small town naivete, through fraud and exploitation, are my ex-husband’s best and most prolific contributions to this country, his adopted homeland. How sad. And pathetic. My beautiful father-in-law would be so ashamed if he were alive today, to see the results of his hard work in sending his son to this country. So this begs the obvious question: What DIDN’T my ex-husband lie about?
To the fathers out there depriving your children of their own Mothers – SHAME ON YOU! You have the audacity and hearts black enough to harm your own children – just to hurt their Mothers for daring to say “No” to you. Poor things, she left you. So what. Grow up!
There is nothing unique or original about your tactics and behaviors, as reported to me by countless women, and children, over the course of many years – from Chicago, Michigan, Minnesota, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Arizona, California, Iowa, Nebraska, Indiana, Wyoming, Texas, Wisconsin, Florida, Georgia, Canada, France, The UK, The Netherlands, Australia, and the list goes on.
Their reports are substantiated by the mental health research. You are all quite predictable. It doesn’t take any special talent to charge into a bottom feeder lawyer’s office, plunk down some cash, and rehearse your lies together. Child Rep Natalie Koga Confronted w/ Eye-Witness To Corruption #nataliekoga #exposethecorruption
You beat your chests while your children cry themselves to sleep at night. You brag about “winning” for all to hear, while your children pretend to like you and what you’ve done – “or else”. Yet you continue deluding yourself that you’re special.
You Gaslight, lie, and slander your child’s mother to anyone who will listen to you. Your favorite – that she’s “crazy” – maybe she was just a little bit, for putting up with you as long as she did.
And every time your kids hear you slander her, they’re forced to back you up, and they die a little bit more inside. You’re not fathers. You’re thugs.
If your own Mothers (and Fathers) knew who and what you really are, underneath your manufactured facade, how ashamed they would be. And heart broken.
Your carefully crafted persona of the charming, kind, polite, generous man is nothing but a hollow sham. In private, your masks slip, revealing your true cruel, sadistic self. The pleasure you take in hurting others weaker than you shows on your face, reflecting the true evil of your hearts. Your charm is a well-rehearsed act to get what you want. You are nothing but frauds.
There is nothing special, or note-worthy about you, other than the fact you were willing to bully someone smaller than you – your own child – to punish someone else. All because you couldn’t bully your child’s mother directly anymore.
You can’t feel like men unless you have someone weaker than you to bully. How pathetic. Any dim-witted dolt can bully women and children.
And you are willing to lie about anything – there is no limit to your depravity.
The set of lies you tell are universally reported, especially that she’s crazy, and cheated on you.
I’ve yet to hear from a single survivor whose abusive ex did NOT say she’s crazy.
You play the heart-broken victim, claiming she cheated on you. But we’ve all noticed that you accuse others of the very things you are guilty of to try to throw them off your scent.
Many of you tell the children she wanted to abort them, didn’t want them. What kind of a person does that to a child?
You all lie about your child’s mother’s parenting. For years, you sat back doing the bare minimum. But suddenly in divorce, you reinvent history.
Your lies fly out of your mouth so effortlessly, clearly you’ve been doing it all your life, and it comes naturally to you. Next to bullying, lying is your greatest skill, and accomplishment in life.
Many of you also encourage your children to abuse their mothers. You take sick pleasure in teaching them to do your dirty work in your place. You think nothing of corrupting your children’s morality, while raising the next generation of abusers. And victims.
And most of you impersonate your children electronically, to psychologically torture their mothers. There must be a play-book somewhere.
You waste your talents. When you could use them for the good of society, you squander them instead, on your plotting, maneuvering, and manipulating. Your favorite people are those with hearts like yours, or simple, naive people you can easily manipulate. And use. Or just pay off. You are drains on society.
And that your insides are so hollow you can’t feel good about yourself without hating anyone who dares contradict you. That your ego is so fragile, your identity so flacid, so soft, that when she said “No”, you threw your child’s Mother under the bus, backing up several times, you know, just to be sure.
And that you aren’t honorable men. You’re posers.
And that your children don’t really love or respect you. They only fear you and pity you.
You couldn’t be bothered with parenting before the divorce. But suddenly you have to have the kids! You can’t even pick on somebody your own size – using a mere child to harm the very woman who gave them life, and birthed them in a bed of pain. The one who ran herself ragged doing all that solo parenting because you were just too important for such drudge work. It is fascinating, the yarns you all spin about your non existent parenting work. You care nothing about the grave harm to your own children.
Real fathers, who truly love their kids, don’t use them as props come divorce time.
You are failures as men and human beings. You are a level of evil no decent human being could ever understand.
Happy Vengeful Father Syndrome Day! “To all the special childless Mothers out there-you matter!!! Happy Mother’s Day!
Mothers and Children Forever Joined At The Cellular Level vs. Tactics To Defy Nature, by Lisa Nadig “Within weeks of conception, cells from both mother and fetus traffic back and forth across the placenta, resulting in one becoming a part of the other.”
What’s a Mother Worth? by Lisa Nadig “In 1979, a young attorney named Michael H. Minton successfully argued that a housewife was worth more than $40,000 a year. The public snorted and the press made fun, but the ramifications proved enormous. When the dust finally settled, the 33-year-old Chicago lawyer had catapulted matrimonial law into an entirely new arena.” But here we are 40 years later, and how far have we really come?”
The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about–unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist.
In fact, these two outcomes may be the most destructive result of emotional trauma over the long-term and is an added reason why–if you have children with a narcissistic partner–you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible.
By now, most of us know that repeated emotional trauma leads to both PTSD and C-PTSD, which should be reason enough to leave an abusive partner. But, what many people don’t realize is that over time, these repeated emotional injuries shrink the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame.
The hippocampus, which is Greek for “seahorse,” is a paired structure tucked inside each temporal lobe and…
View original post 1,073 more words