Tag Archives: Maternal Alienation

Economic Justice for Wives and Mothers

“In what is being called an unprecedented ruling, a judge in Argentina has reportedly ordered a man to pay his ex-wife approximately $179,000 after she gave up her career for nearly three decades so she could clean the house and raise the kids.

Clarin Sociedad reports the unidentified 70-year-old woman struggled financially after the couple’s 2011 divorce while her husband continued to live well.

Man ordered to pay ex-wife $179K for child-rearing/housework

See also:  What’s a Mother Worth? by Lisa Nadig

MotherDoingLaundryHoldingBaby

What’s a Mother Worth? by Lisa Nadig

RosesAs Mother’s Day weekend commences, many are excitedly gearing up for the holiday; cards, flowers and gifts being bought, precious gifts made at school secreted away, brunch reservations made, all is being made ready for the special day.  Some of us are celebrating, while others of us are grieving.  Those of us left to celebrate Mother’s Day in quiet solitude have time on our hands to reflect, and to ask probing questions.

For some, a Mother is priceless, more precious than the finest gold, emeralds or rubies, and the mere thought of assigning a dollar value to her is not only abhorrent, it is aburd.  I would agree; it IS absurd that we even have to go there in the first place.

But we do.  In a world where Mothers have become increasinginly expendable, disposable, where Mothering work is seen as “less than”, those of us who are, or who have been, on the Mommy-track have faced a rude awakening, and forced to ask ourselves this very question.

11831720_10205666797322884_149653450646472404_n“In 1979, a young attorney named Michael H. Minton successfully argued that a housewife was worth more than $40,000 a year. The public snorted and the press made fun, but the ramifications proved enormous. When the dust finally settled, the 33-year-old Chicago lawyer had catapulted matrimonial law into an entirely new arena.”  What’s a Wife Worth? Michael Minton

But here we are in 2019 – 40 years later – and how far have we REALLY come?  When the sheer enormity of the work of Mothering, and the importance of it, is still strategically devalued by some men, along with “father’s rights” attorneys and activists, who view divorce as a game of chess to be won at all costs?  When society has bought into the false notion that a woman really can, and should have it all-all the time?  When “men’s rights” and “father’s rights” become feel-good euphamisms for “screw the bitch” in divorce? Realizing, recognizing and documenting, not only the importance, but also the monetary value of Mothering work becomes even more fundamental and important.

Investing in the career of Motherhood is in direct conflict withTorn heart our materialistic, superficial, money-driven society.   How many of us have heard a stay-at-home Mom say out loud “I’m just a Mom”.  We’ve all been sold this notion that being a Mom is not for “smart women, educated or high-value women.”

What Wife and Mother, giving her all for years, suddenly confronts this sad reality when facing aggressive, gut-wrenching divorce tactics, as well as the Federal Fatherhood Funding driving child custody decisions, hasn’t had a cold slap to the face, and the gut-wrenching realization that their work apparently had no value all along, unbeknownst to them.  But Mothers are crying out:  “No! There is indeed great economic value to the work I do!”  Government’s Intentional Devaluation of Motherhood

Being a Surrogate Mother (becoming impregnated with someone else’s baby, going to doctor’s appointments, time off from work, giving birth, sometimes having a C-Section, medical after-care, then releasing the infant to the paying parents)  has a going rate!  Yes, there are wage calculations for the work of creating a human!

As someone who experienced “Morning Sickness” so severe that I had to be hospitalized 20130917-105004.jpgand put on IV fluids, along with several other complications, the thought of assigning a dollar value to this physical sacrificing is shocking at best.  But, here is a handy chart from one agency, West Coast Surrogacy.  A summary of costs:  Base Pay (Surrogacy and expenses) First-time $50,000; Experienced $60,000; Twins:  ad $5,000; Triplets add $10,000; C-Section, add $3,000; compensation for lost wages-actual cost; additional medical problems-$10,000.  Surrogate Mother Costs

Many of us have realized along our own divorce journey, that while Attorney Minton educated us all on the economic impact of a wife and mother’s work, that somehow we didn’t really get the message.  We thought it was “progress” to pressure women to have it all, all the time, and it is “for their own good” that they now work full-time outside of the home and full-time when they come home, and if a husband helps out when he has time, that’s okay.  Statistics showing the distribution amongst the sexes of hours spent on home and parenting labor hasn’t really changed!

blind_justice_thumb_400x453Many of us have also been confronted with the disturbing reality that women who can afford an attorney such as Michael Milton will come out of their divorce at least somewhat protected, without becoming impoverished, raked through the system, and children stolen.  Sadly, we learned the old adage still holds true: you get the justice you can afford.

Especially for those doing, or having done, this immense Mothering work, we know the dedication, the exhaustion, the emotional and physical investment in a job that has no vacation days, no “off-duty” time, and that a Mother’s career typically takes a big hit.  We have learned that we can spout all the feel-good rhetoric about shared or co-parenting we want, but the practical, day to day reality for most marriages, even today, is that Mothers still do the vast majority of parenting and housework.

But as is usually the case, if Mom has been the one expected to always take a day off for a sick child, has been the backbone of the house, while father focuses on building his career, and suddenly father and his divorce attorneys demand shared parenting,  and in too many instances, erase Mom altogether, any thinking, rational person would question whether those motives arose from a sudden, personal epiphany on the importantce of assuming a fair-share of parenting work, or is it something more calculated and self-serving.

But even with all of this ugliness, the dismissive attitude towards Mothers, and the fact that when a father fights for sole custody he wins 70% of the time, I still believe in Motherhood.  I still believe in the great importance and the immense value of this career.  If I were confronted with the same choice again, it wouldn’t change.  I would still choose this exasperating, exhausting, undervalued, demanding, joyful, life-changing, unpaid career.  I would still choose Motherhood.

FlowerBouquetSo, on this Mother’s Day, to the Mothers out there falling asleep with your newborn on your chest with the deepest joy, I acknowledge you.  To the Mother watching her child walk for the first time, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there with the flu while caring for the family, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who think they’ll never get it right, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there working inside and outside the home, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there caring for children and aging parents at the same time, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there choosing to work inside the home, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to death, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to Domestic Violence by Proxy and Court Corruption, I acknowledge you.  To all Mothers out there, I acknowledge you.

Handful of starsTo the children out there celebrating with your Mother this Mother’s Day, I acknowledge you.  To the children who have lost their Mothers to death, I acknowledge you.  To the children living long distances from their Mothers, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there separated from Mom at the border, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there missing a Mom erased by family court, I acknowedge you.  To the children out there wishing their Mother could have been better, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there just beginning to appreciate your own Mother after having children of your own, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there making their joyful school gift, I acknowledge you.  To all children out there, I acknowledge you.

Happy Mother’s Day to us all!

 

 

 

 

Mothers and Children Forever Joined At The Cellular Level vs. Tactics To Defy Nature, by Lisa Nadig

A great deal of scientific research has been done, proving the eternal link between Mother and Child;  a deeply engrained, physical bond created at the very basic cellular level that lasts a lifetime and beyond.  “Within weeks of conception, cells from both mother and foetus traffic back and forth across the placenta, resulting in one becoming a part of the other. ” from Microchimerish: how pregnancy changes a mother’s very DNA

This bond is much deeper than what was previously thought.  Research has shown links at the cellular level deep in the brains, and the very beating hearts of mothers and their children, in every vital organ, and at the deepest mitochondrial level.  Given that this permanent link is not only emotional, and spiritual, but also physical, how perverse and vile it is then, for anyone to set out to destroy this bond, which is at the heart of the very laws of God and nature!

Scientists have known of this deep physical link for well over a century.  (Of course the great spiritual leaders of all eras have always honored and revered  this bond.)   “Evidence that cells travel from the developing foetus into the mother dates back to 1893, when the German pathologist Georg Schmorl found signs of these genetic remnants in women who had died of pregnancy-induced hypertensive disorder. Autopsies revealed ‘giant’ and ‘very particular’ cells in the lungs, which he theorised had been transported as foreign bodies, originating in the placenta. While Schmorl speculated that this sort of cellular transfer also took place during healthy pregnancies, it was not until more than a century later that researchers realised that these migrant cells, crossing from the foetus to the mother, could survive indefinitely.”

Motherhood not only sets in motion this crucial human bond, perfectly designed for the survival and protection of the human species, but it also forever alters every aspect of a woman-emotionally, spiritually, socially and physically. Science has also shown us that it prolongs her life. God and nature know what they are doing!  Who are we to think otherwise?  Children and grandchildren need their mothers not only for survival and nurturing, but for their long-term health and happiness, so when women become mothers, they are naturally re-designed to live longer in order to fulfill those needs in fulfillment of this natural destiny.

Since children’s cells are found deep in the cells of Mother’s brains, it is scientifically proven to be accurate for a Mother to say of her child, “You are a part of me”, and for any Mother living the horrors of corrupt, opportunistic misogyny separated from her child to speak as the French do when they say “Tu me manques” (You are missing FROM ME), rather than our more familiar American “I miss you”.  For our children truly are missing from us. And we are missing from them.

“We all consider our bodies to be our own unique being, so the notion that we may harbor cells from other people in our bodies seems strange. Even stranger is the thought that, although we certainly consider our actions and decisions as originating in the activity of our own individual brains, cells from other individuals are living and functioning in that complex structure. However, the mixing of cells from genetically distinct individuals is not at all uncommon. This condition is called chimerism after the fire-breathing Chimera from Greek mythology, a creature that was part serpent part lion and part goat. Naturally occurring chimeras are far less ominous though, and include such creatures as the slime mold and corals.”  “Scientific American: Scientists Discover Children’s Cells Living In Mother’s Brains 

With some people today setting out to destroy this bond, we must recognize Maternal Deprivation for the grave physical destruction that it really is, for this holds implications so profound for not only the child and mother, but also that child’s future offspring, on the deepest cellular level, sending ripples for later generations.  Science now provides us with hard, scientific data on how it is so harmful to the physical health and well-being of both mother and child.

But it is also well-documented that children and mothers separated from one another, even by great distances,  continue to share a deep, vital, physical and psychic connection. Mothers intuitively sense keenly the emotions, pain, and the need for safety of their children from a long distance, without being informed directly;  Mothers just “know”. We know to the deepest core of our being because Nature provides this deep, nurturing and protective bond for the survival of the human species.

“To carry and give birth to a baby, we make new spaces in our bodies — why not in our psyches as well?….Says one mother, “I think that if you allow it to happen, your mind and body become more sensitive during pregnancy and after — your antennae are out, so to speak.” In one very practical way, our “antennae” are out for the protection of our children. Caring for our babies, we have a stronger motivation for developing that sixth sense than we ever had before.”     The Telepathic Link Between Mother and Child

And when once separated children and mothers reconnect, they share stories of specific instances in time when they felt very deeply the emotional messages from the other, comparing and verifying dates of thoughts and feelings being exchanged, because this profound connection at the deepest cellular level, is too powerful to be erased by anyone.

vrijheid

 

State Family Courts Are Forcibly Depriving Children’s Access To A Parent Because It Is A Source Of Federal Revenue

The state is the welfare recipient. The funding means evidence of abuse is ignored.

“In simplest terms: State family courts are forcibly depriving children’s access to a parent because it is a source of revenue for the states – and because they can.”

http://standuptoday.blogspot.com/2006/02/how-federal-welfare-funding-drives.html

 

 

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