Tag Archives: domestic violence

Tactics to Maintain Separation of Mother & Child: E-Mail Abuse & Impersonation

How sad, and pathetic really, that some fathers are so desperate to harm their ex-wife, and keep her separated from her child, that they would go so low as to use the son’s e-mail (with some assistance from a more literate “friend”) to try to get her to hang herself.

I recommend asbestos exposure….Asbestos is a simple carcinogen and not a proverbial weapon of mass destruction or some other kind of death sentence. You need something somehow miraculously unregulated and/or easily available and effective. If you want I could set up a fundraiser to provide funding for carcinogen exposure.”

“I think radiation is cool because it’s practically infinite when you get it started and cost efficient! Never mind that it works by itself anyway!”

Please contract a terminal disease at your earliest convenience. I look forward to reading your epitaph, though I won’t be paying for it.”

Sadly, cancer just isn’t humane enough and it isn’t gonna work. I’m sure there are many alternatives for your consideration. One old standby that practically everyone is familiar with is hanging. Almost everyone knows how tie a knot. Rope is easy to find, and much more definite…It should be easy for you to figure this whole suicide thing out.”

“I think drop hanging would be preferable to suspension based hanging due to your prodigious weight, lack of dexterity, and longstanding disinclination towards physical labor. It’s easier!”

Radio Interviews

The freedom for all network…Blog Talk Radio, The Captain

Lisa Nadig, Michael Volpe & Doreen Ludwig discuss corruption in her “family” law case in Cook County Chicago

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thecapt/2015/09/24/the-captains-very-special-guest-lisa-nadig

 

 

From Mom & Music Teacher to Legal Abuse Syndrome, Lisa Nadig

Every lawyer, at least once in every case, feels himself crossing a line that he doesn’t really mean to cross… it just happens… And if you cross it enough times it disappears forever. And then you’re nothin but another lawyer joke. Just another shark in the dirty water.” from The Rainmaker.  

How did I become one of the “walking wounded”, suffering from a variant of Post-Traumatic Stress known as Legal Abuse Syndrome?  How did I go from the Mom expected to do everything to not allowed to send a Birthday or Christmas card? How did a group of Chicago lawyers exploit my wealthy, elderly, ill father living 150 miles away on our four generation family farm while terrorizing me through the Cook County court system?  

Every area of my life has been severely impacted by the vicious Legal Abuse and bullying I was subjected to for nearly seven years.  The goal?  Steal my only, irreplaceable child along with my share of our four-generation, multi-million dollar Family Farm Trust.  The strategy?  Fraud On The Court and an abusive litigation-vortex to switch custody, in order to “convince” (read: Exploit) my elderly, ill father that I somehow “deserved it.” 

“A common tactic of psychological abusers is to try and befriend the family members of the survivor.  Why?  If the toxic ex-spouse can get the survivor’s own family aligned with him or her, then it has an isolating effect for the survivor.  This tactic can also give the abuser a chance to be seen as agreeable or nice so clearly the relational issues must be the survivor’s fault, right?  Abusers like to have all the human chess pieces on their side of the board.”-Shannon Thomas, southlakecounseling.org

My ex-husband was allowed to file eight petitions for Custody, litigating custody repeatedly for over six years, and countless harassing Motions and delays so I would run out of money for legal representation.   Many hearings were set at the last minute on teaching days so I would lose income.  I was forced into court so frequently, and for so long making it impossible to earn a living.  It is well-documented that Domestic Abusers with access to money frequently use the legal system to leave their victim homeless, penniless and childless as revenge for leaving them – the “Price for Saying No”.  And there is no shortage of ethically-challenged individuals plying their various trades in the courtrooms ready to make a fortune off of the misery of others, their Professional Code of Ethics be damned.  

No system of care in America creates more devastation than the legal system. All but the wealthy are priced out of taking their cases to a point of closure…Anger and disappointment reach a point beyond rage to an implosion that injures the psyche of the strongest of us. Attorneys rank among the highest in substance abuse, depression, suicide and unhappiness with their profession. Litigants who enter with any illness, injury, or weakness are made worse by stress, sometimes terrorized and bullied.”  Dr. Karin Huffer  Legal Abuse Syndrome, Dr. Karin Huffer

I was the Primary Caretaker and a very loving, hands-on, full-time Mom. I was such an excellent Mother, in fact, that my ex-husband refused to help with parenting in order to further his career, and his first two divorce petitions requested that custody remain with me.

I am an Educator in good standing.  I have never been arrested or convicted of any crime. There is no substance abuse, mental illness or any wrong-doing on my part.  Indeed, my mental health evaluation found that the extended litigation, financial abuse & separation from my child caused me harm. nadig-051915-ltrsfromcounselingcenter  There are no findings against me by Child Protective Services, nor was any report made.  However, there are DCFS findings against my ex-husband.  

There was no Evidentiary Hearing – no evidence submitted, when a hastily scrawled No Contact Order in a hastily convened “Emergency” “hearing”, that did not allow me to respond, get an attorney, present evidence, request Discovery or even speak. The means? Fraud On The Court, and hearsay brought by an outside attorney (paid for by my ex-husband) with no legal standing to appear in the case, in violation of the law.  He claimed to have “evidence”, which he “demonstrated” in a sleazy, theatrical, over-the-top Pantomime, but never actually presented.  Within fifteen minutes, I went from Mother, Primary Caretaker and Sole Custodian, to losing most of my parental rights, not even allowed to send a Christmas or Birthday Card.  This “proceeding” consisted of me standing alone, while my ex-husband and three lawyers shouted a bizarre, incoherent stream of insane insults and hearsay.  That was it.  No evidence proffered.  At all.  Months later I finally had the opportunity to view this “evidence”; a single murky cell-phone photo that had clearly been doctored.  Indeed, convicted felons have more parental rights than I did.

I believed in our American justice system and thought Judges were prudent, emotionally-balanced, scholarly people who meticulously weighed evidence and law.  But I learned it’s about gamemanship and profiteering. Perjury and false reporting, back-room deals, cronyism and corruption were expected – just “the way things work”.  Verbal and emotional abuse, and sometimes, physical intimidation, by the attorneys became customary.  The sleazier the lies the better, and more entertaining, it seemed for Judge Alfred Levinson.   

 It was shoddy, disturbing theater of the absurd and macabre. False reporting by court vendors – shrinks with ethics issues, brought late into the case by the Child Rep, when I no longer had funds for an attorney – the strategy to wipe out respected Dr. David Finn’s two custody evaluations containing findings of Pathological Parental Alienation, Domestic Violence and family exploitation against my ex-husband.  These new court vendors had been sanctioned by the State of Illinois;  the Psychologist, Dr. Daniel Fisher for similar “Multiple-Role Misconduct” Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, With Michael Volpe, while the Psychiatrist, Dr. Jonathan Gamze’s controlled substance license was revoked and placed on indefinite Probation  Dr. Jonathan Gamze Misprescribing/Overprescribing Drugs.  

When I could no longer afford an attorney, I stood alone, mute, not allowed to present evidence, while Child Rep Natalie Koga and Meg Jackson, (ex-husband’s attorney #6)  stood together, insulting me, lying, and laughing, too many times to count.  They thought depriving a child of his Mother while demeaning her in public was pretty funny.  Judge Alfred Levinson allowed, and enabled this abusive behavior.  

Multiple illegal Orders were written that were impossible to comply with.  The obvious goal was to find me in Contempt of Court, with four attempts to throw me in jail.  A modern-day Kafka novel – double-bind after double-bind, nothing made sense, with intertwined lawyers and mental health vendors willing to do just about anything as long as the checks cleared, their professional codes of ethics be damned. All the while salivating over my childhood home in northwest Illinois.

The best barometer of the tone and intent of this divorce and custody case is seen in my ex’s attorney Meg Jackson’s email sent less than one day after my elderly, ill father passed away in my rural hometown – 150 miles away from Judge Levinson’s Rolling Meadows Courtroom – attempting to bully me into not attending my own father’s funeral.   The same lawyer who yelled I was a “brazen woman” for requesting family therapy covered by insurance, as I couldn’t afford $2,000/month medical expenses, and yelled  “We’re going to take her down.  We’re going to take EVERYTHING from her.”  And yet, Dr. Finn’s custody evaluation had recommended that my ex-husband be stopped from using our child to insert himself into my family.

And then there is the eye-witness account of Child Rep Natalie Koga colluding with Meg Jackson (ex’s attorney #6) to change an evaluation – to get rid of “the problem” (me, a loving Mother),  Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption  and cell phone bills that show her texting with my ex while avoiding talking to me. mehdipourtexts – Reza Mehdipour August Text

This vicious legal bullying, where the destruction of innocent people is entertaining, the truth meaningless, and no matter how hard you try has anything to do with anything, is deeply traumatic and should never be allowed to happen to anyone.  Ever.  And then I understood why Chris Mackney, and so many others have been bullied to death in family court.  But I hung on, not for myself, but for my beloved child.  I will continue to be a voice calling for reform, accountability, and oversight for Guardian ad Litems, Child Representatives, Judges, and court vendors.  I will continue to speak out about the devastation of Legal Abuse, the grievous harm of Maternal Deprivation, and the epidemic of abusive fathers obtaining child custody, and the highly-lucrative abuse cottage industry.

The Chaos Theory of Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

Kim Saeed writes that within each cycle of abuse there is a moment where a change can be made, an opportunity, if you will to change the negative script that keeps repeating.  Perhaps every time an abusive incident happens we think (or hope) it will be the last and we will be saved from having to make a “hard decision”.  But according to this article, this is actually a chance, an opportunity to start a new pattern in life for our future.   What do you think?  .

IFrom:  The Chaos Theory of Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

The One Who Will Be Abused After You

“Your abuser will find another person who shines brightly. Your abuser will wow his New Light with loving actions, sweet words; your abuser will seem to the New Light like a gift from heaven. The New Light will probably be a lot like you…..The New Light is no better than you. Sure, you may feel defeated right now, but your light is on the mend. You are coming back into who you are and always were. But your abuser’s New Light is on the way to darkness.”

The One Who Will Be Abused After You

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers, Pt. 1, by Barry Goldstein

Part 1

For decades, protective mothers have been complaining that family courts are tilted to favor abusive fathers and that they face corruption. Court officials have tended to respond defensively and dismissed the domestic violence victims as disgruntled litigants. Over the years an ever growing collection of research, media investigations and preventable tragedies have supported the mothers’ position, but in a form of confirmation bias, court officials have ignored inconvenient findings.

In my first book with Mo Hannah, Sharon K. Araji and Rebecca L. Bosek wrote an interesting chapter in which they looked at surveys of protective mothers in five states which showed consistent court failures to protect children. It might be easy to dismiss the research because mothers with bad outcomes might be biased, but the authors compared the mother’s complaints with credible research and found the findings supported the mothers. The courts were routinely treating the mothers as if they were not credible but the scientific findings supported other research that found protective mothers rarely make deliberate false complaints.

The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Studies from the CDC demonstrated that domestic violence and child abuse are far more harmful than previously understood and that physical abuse is not required to ruin children’s lives. In other words the courts have been minimizing the seriousness of DV and child abuse and basically ignoring non-physical tactics. Despite the research, courts are still not focused on reducing the fear and stress from abuser tactics that cause children so much harm. And most of the standard court practices undermine the needed healing.

The Saunders’ Study was designed to consider the knowledge and training about domestic violence possessed by evaluators, judges and lawyers. The Study found many of these professionals do not have the specific knowledge necessary to respond to domestic violence. Those without the needed training tend to focus on the myth that mothers frequently make deliberate false reports and unscientific alienation theories. These mistakes lead to outcomes that harm children. Five years after the release of the Saunders’ Study these mistaken assumptions continue to predominate. Saunders also looked at harmful outcome cases in which alleged abusers win custody and safe, protective mothers are limited to supervised visitation. These decisions are always wrong and based on flawed practices but remain common in the family courts.

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

“What happens to grown children of a narcissist father during and after divorce?

This is important to consider because after you’ve left the Narcissist far behind and relieved yourself of the pain, your children continue to deal with him.  It’s not a pretty picture.  As the healthy parent, understanding the Narcissist, knowing what to expect and providing tips for the children will lessen the pain for everyone….

During a divorceco-parenting with a narcissist can be dangerous.  They will go to great lengths to possess the children.  They will fabricate or distort the truth in order to maintain allegiance from their children.  Deep down a Narc is highly insecure. Parenting after divorce becomes a popularity contest for the Narc.  They have to ‘win’ the children at all costs. Their ego is vulnerable and causes them to lash out at the person who has rejected their idealistic view of themselves.

If you have asked for the divorce you can bet their wrath will be focused on you.  So what begins as a type of possession can escalate into a destructive pattern of parental alienation.  It is fair to say, a Narc parent is more likely than a regular parent, to use parental alienation as a method to retaliate. What begins as possessive and nonstop attention from the father inevitably turns to rejection as the children enter adulthood.”

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson