Tag Archives: domestic violence

What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is dangerous to your mental health.  It is sneaky, insidious, manipulative, and ultimately very destructive.  These all-encompassing strategies to control someone’s realities, their personality, daily interactions may not seem to be like “real abuse”, but it is definitely very harmful.   The goal is to completely overpower you until you no longer remember who you are, until the abuser has complete control over every aspect of your life, and of your very identity.

” Coercive control is a pattern of controlling behaviors over time more akin to terrorism and stalking [1]. While psychological abuse does not always lead to physical violence, it is nearly always preceded and accompanied by psychological abuse [2]. Coercive control represents the unseen psychological abuses victims experience in the most damaging relationships. The intent of coercive control is subjugation of the victim and complete control by the abuser.” https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/what-is-coercive-control/?fbclid=IwAR0r6RpFYarZpsAb9ruJJJDXjCIG21MCT-Eu1OyEoA98kY_H-F6065pcnOE

Coercive control is a very strategic, ongoing set of behaviors designed to erase the victim’s identity, free will, and critical thinking.  Coercive Control

Outsiders can see bruises.  They can readily identify physical injuries as abuse.  But coercive control is fleeting, and sometimes seemingly insigificant to the outside observer.  Coercive control operates under the radar, while being outwardly charming and agreeable to the rest of the world.  Herein lies the biggest danger.

Coercive control takes some study. It takes time to identify for the outsider.  This is a set of behaviors purposely designed to go undetected.  If you sense someone is unhappy, if they don’t seem free to enjoy life, seem harried, stressed and walking on egghsells for someone else, pay attention!  Coercive, manipulative and controlling behavior can be insidious.  Take the time to know and understand what is going on.     Coercive Control: The Hidden Side of Domestic Abuse

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Radio Interviews

The freedom for all network…Blog Talk Radio, The Captain

Lisa Nadig, Michael Volpe & Doreen Ludwig discuss corruption in her “family” law case in Cook County Chicago

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thecapt/2015/09/24/the-captains-very-special-guest-lisa-nadig

 

 

The Chaos Theory of Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

Kim Saeed writes that within each cycle of abuse there is a moment where a change can be made, an opportunity, if you will to change the negative script that keeps repeating.  Perhaps every time an abusive incident happens we think (or hope) it will be the last and we will be saved from having to make a “hard decision”.  But according to this article, this is actually a chance, an opportunity to start a new pattern in life for our future.   What do you think?  .

IFrom:  The Chaos Theory of Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

The One Who Will Be Abused After You

“Your abuser will find another person who shines brightly. Your abuser will wow his New Light with loving actions, sweet words; your abuser will seem to the New Light like a gift from heaven. The New Light will probably be a lot like you…..The New Light is no better than you. Sure, you may feel defeated right now, but your light is on the mend. You are coming back into who you are and always were. But your abuser’s New Light is on the way to darkness.”

The One Who Will Be Abused After You

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers, Pt. 1, by Barry Goldstein

Part 1

For decades, protective mothers have been complaining that family courts are tilted to favor abusive fathers and that they face corruption. Court officials have tended to respond defensively and dismissed the domestic violence victims as disgruntled litigants. Over the years an ever growing collection of research, media investigations and preventable tragedies have supported the mothers’ position, but in a form of confirmation bias, court officials have ignored inconvenient findings.

In my first book with Mo Hannah, Sharon K. Araji and Rebecca L. Bosek wrote an interesting chapter in which they looked at surveys of protective mothers in five states which showed consistent court failures to protect children. It might be easy to dismiss the research because mothers with bad outcomes might be biased, but the authors compared the mother’s complaints with credible research and found the findings supported the mothers. The courts were routinely treating the mothers as if they were not credible but the scientific findings supported other research that found protective mothers rarely make deliberate false complaints.

The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Studies from the CDC demonstrated that domestic violence and child abuse are far more harmful than previously understood and that physical abuse is not required to ruin children’s lives. In other words the courts have been minimizing the seriousness of DV and child abuse and basically ignoring non-physical tactics. Despite the research, courts are still not focused on reducing the fear and stress from abuser tactics that cause children so much harm. And most of the standard court practices undermine the needed healing.

The Saunders’ Study was designed to consider the knowledge and training about domestic violence possessed by evaluators, judges and lawyers. The Study found many of these professionals do not have the specific knowledge necessary to respond to domestic violence. Those without the needed training tend to focus on the myth that mothers frequently make deliberate false reports and unscientific alienation theories. These mistakes lead to outcomes that harm children. Five years after the release of the Saunders’ Study these mistaken assumptions continue to predominate. Saunders also looked at harmful outcome cases in which alleged abusers win custody and safe, protective mothers are limited to supervised visitation. These decisions are always wrong and based on flawed practices but remain common in the family courts.

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

“What happens to grown children of a narcissist father during and after divorce?

This is important to consider because after you’ve left the Narcissist far behind and relieved yourself of the pain, your children continue to deal with him.  It’s not a pretty picture.  As the healthy parent, understanding the Narcissist, knowing what to expect and providing tips for the children will lessen the pain for everyone….

During a divorceco-parenting with a narcissist can be dangerous.  They will go to great lengths to possess the children.  They will fabricate or distort the truth in order to maintain allegiance from their children.  Deep down a Narc is highly insecure. Parenting after divorce becomes a popularity contest for the Narc.  They have to ‘win’ the children at all costs. Their ego is vulnerable and causes them to lash out at the person who has rejected their idealistic view of themselves.

If you have asked for the divorce you can bet their wrath will be focused on you.  So what begins as a type of possession can escalate into a destructive pattern of parental alienation.  It is fair to say, a Narc parent is more likely than a regular parent, to use parental alienation as a method to retaliate. What begins as possessive and nonstop attention from the father inevitably turns to rejection as the children enter adulthood.”

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

Abusers and Their Flying Monkeys

“The narcissist’s enablers, are masters at overlooking red flags, blatant abuse, and the fact that the narcissist is causing and not resolving any of the problems, stating, “There are two sides to every story.”

It truly is amazing. And a victim needs to be stand even stronger still, as she takes on more nightmares in this narcissist’s drama. The target needs to be armed with defenses because she not only has to fight the narcissist and her own inner codependency issues; she also has to fight a myriad of other people whom she may have originally thought would be her allies or support system. The target ends up feeling like she has to climb a mountain with no tools, while those around her are gossiping about her and throwing rocks her way!

The Narcicisst’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)