Tag Archives: chicago

What’s a Mother Worth? by Lisa Nadig

RosesAs Mother’s Day weekend commences, many are excitedly gearing up for the holiday; cards, flowers and gifts being bought, precious gifts made at school secreted away, brunch reservations made, all is being made ready for the special day.  Some of us are celebrating, while others of us are grieving.  Those of us left to celebrate Mother’s Day in quiet solitude have time on our hands to reflect, and to ask probing questions.

For some, a Mother is priceless, more precious than the finest gold, emeralds or rubies, and the mere thought of assigning a dollar value to her is not only abhorrent, it is aburd.  I would agree; it IS absurd that we even have to go there in the first place.

But we do.  In a world where Mothers have become increasinginly expendable, disposable, where Mothering work is seen as “less than”, those of us who are, or who have been, on the Mommy-track have faced a rude awakening, and forced to ask ourselves this very question.

11831720_10205666797322884_149653450646472404_n“In 1979, a young attorney named Michael H. Minton successfully argued that a housewife was worth more than $40,000 a year. The public snorted and the press made fun, but the ramifications proved enormous. When the dust finally settled, the 33-year-old Chicago lawyer had catapulted matrimonial law into an entirely new arena.”  What’s a Wife Worth? Michael Minton

But here we are in 2019 – 40 years later – and how far have we REALLY come?  When the sheer enormity of the work of Mothering, and the importance of it, is still strategically devalued by some men, along with “father’s rights” attorneys and activists, who view divorce as a game of chess to be won at all costs?  When society has bought into the false notion that a woman really can, and should have it all-all the time?  When “men’s rights” and “father’s rights” become feel-good euphamisms for “screw the bitch” in divorce? Realizing, recognizing and documenting, not only the importance, but also the monetary value of Mothering work becomes even more fundamental and important.

Investing in the career of Motherhood is in direct conflict withTorn heart our materialistic, superficial, money-driven society.   How many of us have heard a stay-at-home Mom say out loud “I’m just a Mom”.  We’ve all been sold this notion that being a Mom is not for “smart women, educated or high-value women.”

What Wife and Mother, giving her all for years, suddenly confronts this sad reality when facing aggressive, gut-wrenching divorce tactics, as well as the Federal Fatherhood Funding driving child custody decisions, hasn’t had a cold slap to the face, and the gut-wrenching realization that their work apparently had no value all along, unbeknownst to them.  But Mothers are crying out:  “No! There is indeed great economic value to the work I do!”  Government’s Intentional Devaluation of Motherhood

Being a Surrogate Mother (becoming impregnated with someone else’s baby, going to doctor’s appointments, time off from work, giving birth, sometimes having a C-Section, medical after-care, then releasing the infant to the paying parents)  has a going rate!  Yes, there are wage calculations for the work of creating a human!

As someone who experienced “Morning Sickness” so severe that I had to be hospitalized 20130917-105004.jpgand put on IV fluids, along with several other complications, the thought of assigning a dollar value to this physical sacrificing is shocking at best.  But, here is a handy chart from one agency, West Coast Surrogacy.  A summary of costs:  Base Pay (Surrogacy and expenses) First-time $50,000; Experienced $60,000; Twins:  ad $5,000; Triplets add $10,000; C-Section, add $3,000; compensation for lost wages-actual cost; additional medical problems-$10,000.  Surrogate Mother Costs

Many of us have realized along our own divorce journey, that while Attorney Minton educated us all on the economic impact of a wife and mother’s work, that somehow we didn’t really get the message.  We thought it was “progress” to pressure women to have it all, all the time, and it is “for their own good” that they now work full-time outside of the home and full-time when they come home, and if a husband helps out when he has time, that’s okay.  Statistics showing the distribution amongst the sexes of hours spent on home and parenting labor hasn’t really changed!

blind_justice_thumb_400x453Many of us have also been confronted with the disturbing reality that women who can afford an attorney such as Michael Milton will come out of their divorce at least somewhat protected, without becoming impoverished, raked through the system, and children stolen.  Sadly, we learned the old adage still holds true: you get the justice you can afford.

Especially for those doing, or having done, this immense Mothering work, we know the dedication, the exhaustion, the emotional and physical investment in a job that has no vacation days, no “off-duty” time, and that a Mother’s career typically takes a big hit.  We have learned that we can spout all the feel-good rhetoric about shared or co-parenting we want, but the practical, day to day reality for most marriages, even today, is that Mothers still do the vast majority of parenting and housework.

But as is usually the case, if Mom has been the one expected to always take a day off for a sick child, has been the backbone of the house, while father focuses on building his career, and suddenly father and his divorce attorneys demand shared parenting,  and in too many instances, erase Mom altogether, any thinking, rational person would question whether those motives arose from a sudden, personal epiphany on the importantce of assuming a fair-share of parenting work, or is it something more calculated and self-serving.

But even with all of this ugliness, the dismissive attitude towards Mothers, and the fact that when a father fights for sole custody he wins 70% of the time, I still believe in Motherhood.  I still believe in the great importance and the immense value of this career.  If I were confronted with the same choice again, it wouldn’t change.  I would still choose this exasperating, exhausting, undervalued, demanding, joyful, life-changing, unpaid career.  I would still choose Motherhood.

FlowerBouquetSo, on this Mother’s Day, to the Mothers out there falling asleep with your newborn on your chest with the deepest joy, I acknowledge you.  To the Mother watching her child walk for the first time, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there with the flu while caring for the family, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who think they’ll never get it right, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there working inside and outside the home, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there caring for children and aging parents at the same time, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there choosing to work inside the home, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to death, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to Domestic Violence by Proxy and Court Corruption, I acknowledge you.  To all Mothers out there, I acknowledge you.

Handful of starsTo the children out there celebrating with your Mother this Mother’s Day, I acknowledge you.  To the children who have lost their Mothers to death, I acknowledge you.  To the children living long distances from their Mothers, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there separated from Mom at the border, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there missing a Mom erased by family court, I acknowedge you.  To the children out there wishing their Mother could have been better, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there just beginning to appreciate your own Mother after having children of your own, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there making their joyful school gift, I acknowledge you.  To all children out there, I acknowledge you.

Happy Mother’s Day to us all!

 

 

 

 

Radio Interviews

The freedom for all network…Blog Talk Radio, The Captain

Lisa Nadig, Michael Volpe & Doreen Ludwig discuss corruption in her “family” law case in Cook County Chicago

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thecapt/2015/09/24/the-captains-very-special-guest-lisa-nadig

 

 

Mom Files Civil Rights Lawsuit to Restore Parental Rights, Press Conference

Reform family law courts – hold judges, GALs, attorneys and court VENDORS accountable with REAL punishment when they break the law, violate mandated duties or when their actions cause HARM

Reform family law courts – hold judges, GALs, attorneys and court VENDORS accountable with REAL punishment when they break the law, violate mandated duties or when their actions cause HARM!

Easter Blessings To Those Separated From One Another Due to Family Court Corruption

Stay Strong.  Love Wins.  Truth always eventually comes out.  Karma works, and selfish, evil people will face their Maker one day.  In the end, though they made their pile of cash, they cannot sever your Bond.

We Demand That Family Court Insiders Immediately Cease & Desist From Treating Us Like Their Personal Money Machines, by Lisa Nadig

If we really care about our nation’s children, we will insist on oversight and accountability in our highly lucrative, self-policing family courts that operate without any checks and balances.  We demand reform, accountability, and checks and balances in this system.  

We demand that our Constitutional Rights be upheld, Due Process, Rules of Evidence and the State Statutes be followed.  We demand that Family Court judges, who receive their salaries and pensions from our tax-payer money, adhere to their sworn Oath of Office.  

We demand that attorneys and court vendors adhere to the Code of Ethics for their respective professions.  We demand an immediate end to false reporting, perjury and Judicial Deception on the part of Child Representatives, Guardian Ad Litems, and all court vendors.  We demand that all Child Reps and GAL’s adhere to the statutes pertaining to their work.  

We demand an immediate end to the illegal practice of forcing litigants into so-called “therapy” with their buddies.  We demand an end to all cronyism and corruption.  

We demand that all family court judges, attorneys and court vendors behave in an honorable and decent fashion.  We demand that they treat each and every litigant and child in the system with honesty, respect, kindness, and courtesy.  We demand that family court insiders immediately stop exploiting litigants and Cease And Desist from treating us like their personal money machines.

Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, With Michael Volpe

Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, with Michael Volpe

“When a court ordered professional begins working for one side, as Dr. Fisher clearly was in this case, it is the worst of both worlds. You have a hired gun with the veneer of independence. It is something I have seen and documented repeatedly. Dr. Stanton Samenow, not only in Chris Mackney’s case, would come in as a so-called independent arbiter but end up communicating, and often being paid, exclusively with one side. He would pretend as though his so-called expert opinion was objective while being bought and paid for and that’s what it appears happened in this case as well. Not only with Dr. Fisher, but Natalie Koga and others in this case. The veneer of independence is one of many reasons why I believe all court ordered professionals should be outlawed immediately. They are not merely a waste of hundreds of thousands of dollars but counter-productive and often actively work to create conflict in cases in order to justify their continued involvement.”Michael Volpe, Author of Bullied To Death: Chris Mackney’s Kafkaesque Divorce

Dr. Fisher was reprimanded by the State of Illinois for similar Dual Role Misconduct in a prior case.  “The foregoing acts and/or omissions are violations of the “Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct”  Fisher_Redacted

The APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 states that psychologists should refrain from entering into multiple relationships…or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.

 It is considered unethical to switch back and forth between an evaluative and psychotherapeutic role,” consultant on the case David Stein, Ph.D., the chair of the Forensic Psychology Committee of the California Psychological Association, wrote in court papers.  

Dual Relationships, Multiple Relationships & Boundary Decisions, Kenneth S. Pope, PhD, AB

Pete Townshend, The Who:  “Now It’s time for some therapy.”