Monthly Archives: July 2017

Are you Trauma-Bonded or Addicted to Toxic Love? by Kim Saeed

It can be very difficult to leave a controlling or abusive relationship.  It takes courage. It takes support, and it takes education into these dynamics.

AMother'sHeartSongsUnsilenced

“Love Addiction 101

Love addiction is a complex and foggy condition that manifests differently in everyone. Particularly common in people suffering at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or victims of narcissistic abuse, love addiction commonly appears as a deep fear of being rejected by the abuser, even though the relationship is deeply toxic.

Neurologically, love addiction is similar to drug or alcohol addiction, in that the addicted person feels unable to quit the habit of loving the abusive person, even though the relationship has disastrous effects on your health, wealth, and happiness.  It’s considered a “process addiction”, which is a set of behaviors that is considered obsessive or compulsive.

Unlike other forms of addiction, though, love addiction is often difficult to see from the outside and may even go unnoticed by the person suffering from the addiction.”

https://letmereach.com/2017/05/13/trauma-bonding-addicted-toxic-love/

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Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers, Pt. 1, by Barry Goldstein

Part 1

For decades, protective mothers have been complaining that family courts are tilted to favor abusive fathers and that they face corruption. Court officials have tended to respond defensively and dismissed the domestic violence victims as disgruntled litigants. Over the years an ever growing collection of research, media investigations and preventable tragedies have supported the mothers’ position, but in a form of confirmation bias, court officials have ignored inconvenient findings.

In my first book with Mo Hannah, Sharon K. Araji and Rebecca L. Bosek wrote an interesting chapter in which they looked at surveys of protective mothers in five states which showed consistent court failures to protect children. It might be easy to dismiss the research because mothers with bad outcomes might be biased, but the authors compared the mother’s complaints with credible research and found the findings supported the mothers. The courts were routinely treating the mothers as if they were not credible but the scientific findings supported other research that found protective mothers rarely make deliberate false complaints.

The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Studies from the CDC demonstrated that domestic violence and child abuse are far more harmful than previously understood and that physical abuse is not required to ruin children’s lives. In other words the courts have been minimizing the seriousness of DV and child abuse and basically ignoring non-physical tactics. Despite the research, courts are still not focused on reducing the fear and stress from abuser tactics that cause children so much harm. And most of the standard court practices undermine the needed healing.

The Saunders’ Study was designed to consider the knowledge and training about domestic violence possessed by evaluators, judges and lawyers. The Study found many of these professionals do not have the specific knowledge necessary to respond to domestic violence. Those without the needed training tend to focus on the myth that mothers frequently make deliberate false reports and unscientific alienation theories. These mistakes lead to outcomes that harm children. Five years after the release of the Saunders’ Study these mistaken assumptions continue to predominate. Saunders also looked at harmful outcome cases in which alleged abusers win custody and safe, protective mothers are limited to supervised visitation. These decisions are always wrong and based on flawed practices but remain common in the family courts.

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers

From the Tribune–Cook County Judge indicted for mortgage fraud

MaryGSykes.com

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-cook-county-judge-indicted-fraud-scheme-met-20170412-story.html

A civic-minded judge whose inspiring rags-to-riches story helped her become the first Filipina elected to the Cook County bench was indicted Wednesday on mortgage fraud charges.

Judge Jessica A. O’Brien, who presided over a small-claims courtroom and had served in prominent roles on numerous bar association boards, allegedly lied and concealed relevant facts from lenders to obtain more than $1.4 million in mortgages on two South Side investment properties that she purchased and sold between 2004 and 2007.

O’Brien was then working as a special assistant attorney general for the Illinois Department of Revenue, where she also reportedly held the position of chief counsel to the Illinois Lottery. A spokesman for the Department of Revenue was not able to confirm that Wednesday afternoon. She resigned from the department after she was elected judge in 2012, the spokesman said.

O’Brien was reassigned to non-judicial duties Wednesday by 1st Municipal District…

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The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

“What happens to grown children of a narcissist father during and after divorce?

This is important to consider because after you’ve left the Narcissist far behind and relieved yourself of the pain, your children continue to deal with him.  It’s not a pretty picture.  As the healthy parent, understanding the Narcissist, knowing what to expect and providing tips for the children will lessen the pain for everyone….

During a divorceco-parenting with a narcissist can be dangerous.  They will go to great lengths to possess the children.  They will fabricate or distort the truth in order to maintain allegiance from their children.  Deep down a Narc is highly insecure. Parenting after divorce becomes a popularity contest for the Narc.  They have to ‘win’ the children at all costs. Their ego is vulnerable and causes them to lash out at the person who has rejected their idealistic view of themselves.

If you have asked for the divorce you can bet their wrath will be focused on you.  So what begins as a type of possession can escalate into a destructive pattern of parental alienation.  It is fair to say, a Narc parent is more likely than a regular parent, to use parental alienation as a method to retaliate. What begins as possessive and nonstop attention from the father inevitably turns to rejection as the children enter adulthood.”

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

Abusers and Their Flying Monkeys

“The narcissist’s enablers, are masters at overlooking red flags, blatant abuse, and the fact that the narcissist is causing and not resolving any of the problems, stating, “There are two sides to every story.”

It truly is amazing. And a victim needs to be stand even stronger still, as she takes on more nightmares in this narcissist’s drama. The target needs to be armed with defenses because she not only has to fight the narcissist and her own inner codependency issues; she also has to fight a myriad of other people whom she may have originally thought would be her allies or support system. The target ends up feeling like she has to climb a mountain with no tools, while those around her are gossiping about her and throwing rocks her way!

The Narcicisst’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)