Monthly Archives: February 2016

Catch-22 of the Targeted Parent-Demonstrating Unconditional Love and Acceptance Gives Child Strength to Maintain Inflexible and Hurtful Position

Coping as an Alienated Parent

by Mike Jeffries

Coping as an alienated parent isn’t easy. Maintaining your sanity when your child rejects all attempts at contact is tough work, and remaining sane in the insane world of Family Court is difficult….

Even the best advice for reconnecting with the alienated child – consistent messages of unconditional love and acceptance – is a Catch-22 for you. In a painfully ironic twist, demonstrating your unconditional love and acceptance to your alienated child gives the child the strength he or she needs to maintain his or her inflexible and hurtful position. “I can continue treating you horribly,” the child reasons, “because I know you love me and won’t hold any of this against me.“”

http://www.womansdivorce.com/alienated-parent.html

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The connection between Mother and Child is even deeper than thought. Scientific American

Scientific American, by Robert Martone on December 4, 2012

The connection between Mother and Child is even deeper than thought.

The link between a mother and child is profound, and new research suggests a physical connection even deeper than anyone thought. The profound psychological and physical bonds shared by the mother and her child begin during gestation when the mother is everything for the developing fetus, supplying warmth and sustenance, while her heartbeat provides a soothing constant rhythm.

The physical connection between mother and fetus is provided by the placenta, an organ, built of cells from both the mother and fetus, which serves as a conduit for the exchange of nutrients, gasses, and wastes. Cells may migrate through the placenta between the mother and the fetus, taking up residence in many organs of the body including the lung, thyroid, muscle, liver, heart, kidney and skin. These may have a broad range of impacts, from tissue repair and cancer prevention to sparking immune disorders.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-discover-childrens-cells-living-in-mothers-brain/

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Rockland Times: Susan Carrington Gets Big Win In Court

“Judge Warren, Judge Thorsen, Judge Ugell and Referee Dean Richardson-Mendelson of the Rockland County Family Court all acted in concert to unlawfully deny me my fundamental right as a parent and my daughters right to have their mother in their life. On August 3, 2010, Judge Scott B. Ugell referred to my ex as his, “very, very good client” while appearing before his co-jurist Judge William P. Warren, his co-jurist and had exparte communication.

Justice bought is Justice Denied. The public outcry is priceless and is what it will take to reunite me with my daughters, A & M. My heart breaks for my daughters as they have become the innocent victims of the court.

Do you think anyone of these judges would allow what was done to me happen to someone in their family? But yet, this is what they do to families on a daily basis.  Thank you for all of your support.”

http://www.rocklandtimes.com/2016/01/28/susan-carrington-gets-big-win-in-court/

 

A Good Father Doesn’t Destroy His Child’s Mother Because In doing So He Also Destroys His Child!

NoMotherLeftBehindBe considerate as you live with your wife with respect I Peter 3:7     

Call your wife ‘blessed’ and praise her.  Proverbs 31:28-29   

Do not be harsh with your wife.  Colossians 3:19

MotherlessBoyA good father would never dream of destroying the mother of his child because in doing so, he is destroying his child.  Good fathers honor and respect her as the giver of life.   A good father understands that the children are forever connected to their mother, that she is a part of them, and would never deprive them of her.  A good father understands that he cannot provide all that the children need, and that they need her unique wisdom, and support.  A good father understands that the child’s ability to have healthy and happy relationships depends upon preserving the relationship with their mother.

Good fathers don’t slander the mother of their children.  They are too busy improving themselves and their own lives to cut someone else down, especially their child’s mother.

A good father models moral, upright behavior for the children by honoring her, expecting them to do the same.  And would never dream of encouraging the children to disrespect or demean her in any way.

Good fathers would never dream of using the children as props during a divorce, because good fathers are involved in the parenting work from the beginning.  Therefore, there’s no need to manufacture a sudden interest in the work of parenting come divorce time.  Good fathers understand that the mother’s career, education, and aspirations are just as important as his, and he values them.  Good fathers share the parenting responsibilities, and would never dream of forcing her to sacrifice her dreams at the expense of his.  Good fathers don’t use the mother of his children.

StripperFeedtA good father would never isolate a child away from his only remaining biological grandparent, aunts, uncles, cousins and lifelong family friends just because they support the child’s mother. And only allow contact with the haters, who live under the control of the family bully.  Who uses scapegoating as a diversion against her own secrets blowing up in her face.  He would never join forces with the family bully against the child’s mother, while sowing strife and discord in her family.  He would observe proper, healthy boundaries, step back, and focus on his own family of origin.  

A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:

a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarreling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and

b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict

Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation, and are especially prone to exploiting those who are most emotionally needy. Elderly relatives, those with infirmity, illness… are likely to be favourite targets for exploitation.

The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonourably and dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target for alleged infractions, ie the family members become the bully’s unwitting (and sometimes witting) instruments of harassment.

bw-puppetBullies are adept at distorting peoples’ perceptions with intent to engender a negative view of their target in the minds of family members, neighbours, friends and people in positions of officialdom and authority; this is achieved through undermining, the creation of doubts and suspicions, and the sharing of false concerns, etc. This poisoning of people’s minds is difficult to counter.  

When close to being outwitted and exposed, the bully feigns victimhood and turns the focus on themselves – this is another example of manipulating people through their emotion of guilt, eg sympathy, feeling sorry, etc. Female serial bullies are especially partial to making themselves the centre of attention by claiming to be the injured party whilst portraying their target as the villain of the piece. ”   A favourite tactic of the bullies in our family-set people against each other

MotherChildNeuroBondA good father knows that his children need their mother.  An over-sized ego and revenge for leaving him would never even enter his mind.  Good fathers honor all that she gave and sacrificed to raise and nurture the children.  He would be helpful, and supportive of her, and be so busy doing positive things in his life, he would never dream of destroying her life.  He would wish her well.

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I am the alienator…You will do as I tell you to, otherwise I will take your children away from you

Karen Woodall

I am an alientor. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behaviour patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalising them. I know your behaviour patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.

I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did…

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“The pain of your child dying is incredible, but losing a child to estrangement is unbearable- it hurts so, so much more”.

Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child

Mothers without Custody World – Sometimes I feel Like a Motherless Child by Robin Karr – “The family court judges (and cohorts) who separate children from their mothers for profit have black hearts. Frankly, that’s a level of evil my mind cannot comprehend.”http://motherswithoutcustodyworld.com/sometimes_i_feel_like…

There’s an old spiritual called “Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child”.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXg9UFUXFXU

A very painful history gave rise to this spiritual. On the one hand, it could apply to the slave who had been torn from his/her motherland of Africa and was now far from home. On the other hand, it could refer to the devastation of a child torn from his/her parents and sold away in the slave auctions.

Consider this testimony from escaped slave Harriet Jacobs “One of these sale days, I saw a mother and seven children on the auction block. She knew that some of them would be taken from her, but they took all. The children were sold to a slave trader, and their mother was bought by another man in her own town. She begged the slave trader to tell here where he intended to take them. This he refused to do for he would sell them one by one whenever he could command the highest price.

“I met that mother on the street and her wild haggard face lives today in my mind. She wrung her hands in anguish and exclaimed, “Gone! All Gone! Why don’t God kill me?” I had no words wherewith to comfort her. Instances of this kind are of daily, yea, of hourly occurrence.” (quoted in Wade in the Water).

The mournful cry of this spiritual is not just a song – not just a tune to entertain or pass the time. It is a sigh from the heart – an exhaling of the soul giving expression to the deepest grief a mother or child can know. And the grief is not just over the separation, but also over the fact that it was inflicted by someone who knew no pity – someone who disregarded the pain they heard of no account.

As I read Harriet Jacob’s account of what she witnessed, I couldn’t help but think of all the children who are being auctioned off daily through the family court system. There truly are no words to comfort the mothers of those ‘motherless’ children. Indeed, the separation of mother and child brings about the deepest grief either of them can ever know. Jacobs recounts the mother crying out “Why don’t God kill me?” That’s a good question… The pain and agony a mother endures when she is separated from her child is unbearable. I’ve often said that when you take a mother’s child from her, you have killed that mother.

I agree with Jacobs that the grief is not just over the separation of mother and child, but also over the fact that it was inflicted by someone who knew no pity. The family court judges (and cohorts) who separate children from their mothers for profit have black hearts. Frankly, that’s a level of evil my mind cannot comprehend.

Wade in the water. Wade in the water, children. Wade in the water.

God’s gonna trouble the water

*Robin Karr is co-author of “The Motherless Project”http://www.amazon.com/Motherless-Child-…/…/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2…
Posted by Coral Anika Theill
Author, Advocate, Speaker & Reporter
Memoir: Bonshea Making Light of the Dark
Website: www .coralanikatheill.com
Bio: http://www.coralanikatheill.com/#!bio/c1ktj

“I have spent long hours trying to make some sense of my life and have come to the conclusion that when horror overcomes us the only response possible is to remember what happened and tell the story.” – Coral Anika Theill, Bonshea Making Light of the Dark

A startling memoir of one woman escaping an abusive marriage and oppressive religious cults and trying to find “justice” in a failed system. Anyone concerned with issues of abuse and injustice in America should read this book.

“The price for my own safety and freedom in 1996 was an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children. The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity.

“Many mothers who seek safety from abuse are routinely prohibited from having even the most basic contact with their own children, not because they were unfit parents, but because they were outspent, out represented, and out-maneuvered in a court atmosphere not prepared to understand the needs of families dealing with domestic violence.

“Battered women may lose their babies and children, their homes, their friends and their livelihood.”

BONSHEÁ – Yaqui Indian – meaning ‘out of the darkness into the light’

Mothers Without Custody World
MOTHERSWITHOUTCUSTODYWORLD.COM