Does the therapist follow their profession’s ethical guidelines and receive continuing education, mentoring, or supervision in areas in which they have no training? Otherwise, they can make this already difficult situation much worse.
It is beyond my comprehension how so many mental health professionals can entirely miss the extreme psychopathology involved in attachment-based “parental alienation.” I am truly stunned.
Let me describe just one example, the “exclusion demand” symptom made by children, in which the child demands that the targeted parent no long attends the child’s events.
The Exclusion Demand:
Child: “I don’t want you to come to my baseball games (school open house, dance recital, school awards ceremony, etc.). I get too anxious.”
This “exclusion demand” by the child is often followed with a statement that the child wants the targeted parent to show “respect” for the child’s feelings and “boundaries.”
The “exclusion demand” is among the more common symptoms of pathology displayed by the child in attachment-based “parental alienation.”
Extremely Severe Psychopathology
The “exclusion demand” is a symptom of extreme psychopathology. It floors me how mental health professionals can act…
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“….I cleaned out my e-mail. I came across the emails my dad sent to me after I moved out. The ones I was made to send to my lawyer. It reminded me of why I wanted to leave so bad in the first place….No child should be made to feel like they have to choose sides. They deserve to live free. Free of the conflict. Free of the court system. Free to be kids. But I will not be put in the middle of conflict again. I won’t be made to choose who to love. Life is too short to be angry. It’s also too short to be sad….All I want is to be happy…” Formerly alienated Canadian teen
“Mom would cheer me for writing hate letters at dad. So it became mom and ten kids against dad. Dad doesn’t like conflict so he backed away. I remember a few visits to his house and returning home and we would make fun of anything he did. I learned real quick if I showed interest in dad, I was a fool. I married and had kids and took our kids to see their grandpa and mom gave me the silent treatment. I also married into 4 step kids that started hating us. At that time, I think only my older sister had relationship with our dad. I stuck on moms side. To this day 8 out of us 10 kids have no relationship with dad. I figured it out watching our own step kids start to hate us. It took about ten years of part time studying pa to be sure I was right. My mother was committed to making us hate dad. But I broke free.” Formerly alienated adult child
” I am just a simple man. It is hard to stay ahead of the life altering lies spewing from them.”
“This broke my heart. I wish no one else has ever had to feel this pain. One person shattered is enough.”
” Losing my only son has been almost more than I can bear.”
“Why do parents have to spend their life savings in order to have the right to love their children?”
“I’m in a living nightmare, Something deeply precious was stolen, I’m in ongoing grief and despair, Unbidden tears awash again and again, Never any idea what to do, or what to say, Everything is used against me, the rules are unfair”
“All three psychologist evaluations found Parental Alienation, even my ex’s “hired gun”. The Court promised to address it, but in the end, the court just allowed Many people to get rich, and did the exact opposite of what was promised. I am devastated, heart-broken and worry for my child all the time.”
“Today is Lorna’s 15th birthday. Sent her a message at midnight wishing her a happy birthday. My millennium child- only child. I love & miss her, but not her actions toward me. It sucks to spend this day crying sporadically when friends are happy. Even though they understand..”
“Seems like every targeted mother I know gets slandered with the same lie – “mentally ill”.”
“I totally had the same thing happen to me, was told by my sons in a mediator’s office that they did not want to see me, was called by my first name etc.,”
” if the counselor doesn’t KNOW PA, they will make usually it worse..the counselor seems to be aware of the TERM Parental Alienation…but doesn’t seem to want to help fight it. At this point I don’t feel like our Family Court Judge (there is only one in our small countyj) is interested either way….very frustrating.”
“Many mothers who seek safety from abuse are routinely prohibited from having even the most basic contact with their own children, not because they were unfit parents, but because they were outspent, out represented, and out-maneuvered in a court atmosphere not prepared to understand the needs of families dealing with domestic violence. To unnecessarily and violently separate a woman and her young children can represent the gravest form of abuse, with major social ramifications in generations to come. When a court orders the removal of a child from a parent it can have the same emotional wounding effect on the deprived mother (or father) as if that child has been kidnapped or murdered. When the deprived parent has been the protective parent, and the court gives custody and decision-making power to the abusive parent under the guise of “Best Interests of the Child” statutes, the loss to the severed parent is deeply damaging.”
“My life (is) destroyed & he got everything & got away with everything he did. I can’t rest easy on that!”
“So much money was made – tens upon tens of thousands, by those that helped my ex keep the fight going, that in the end, the Court and all associated with it, from Child’s Attorney, to Court-appointed therapists, were just as responsible as the alienating parent, in undermining my relationship with my child, and destroying my parental authority.”
“I recently went to see THE LION KING on stage… the young Simba is told lies by the adult Scar, his uncle…Simba flees into exile believing that he killed his own father…When he accidentally meets Nala, his childhood friend, she convinces him to return from exile. When he confronts Scar, the evil manipulator inadvertently reveals that he killed Simba’s father…the interesting theme of the story is that children often believe the lies that adults tell them, and live for years believing those lies.”
“It’s a shame we all are having to endure this and inexcusable that these other parents are behaving so abusively. It’s like they are being rewarded for being criminal.”
“How can I reconnect with my son when his father keeps him from me and fills his head with lies and brainwashes him to think I hate him?”
“I had wonderful daughters who loved me immensely until one day when they didn’t anymore for no apparent reason and for nothing I did..”
“My son used to hug me and say I Love You, Thanks For Everything, You’re The Best Mom in The Whole World…until his father started his campaign…then I was called by my first name, the most horrible profanity, and physically attacked.”
” It also never occurred to me that my kids could ever stop loving me and feeling close to me. I was very involved, engaged, supportive mother. Next thing I knew they refused to call me ‘Mom.”
“Too many family members are suffering due to PA, mental health workers too unfamiliar with this dynamic and our dysfunctional family court system.”
“Come home my darlings. I’m coping and living a full life, with surprising joy, but NOTHING compares to you. Come back please… in your hearts…. please turn your hearts toward home; toward me. Love, Mom” “Dear Angela and Sarah,I love you. I miss you, please come home for Christmas in your hearts.” “Dear Matthew, Luke & Sarah, Please know your Mom n Grandparents, your Finnish relatives, my friends n extended family all love and miss you terribly. We are still here for you. Waiting patiently for you to come home. Merry Christmas.” https://www.facebook.com/groups/loveletterswall/
“No twinkle of hope ….. Zero zip nothing …. The years are passing by.”
“Tonight on the Parenting Revolution show, a gentlemen from Florida, with one of the most extreme cases of P.A. I have ever seen. Steve Sumner has not only undergone the lies from his Ex, which were allowed in court. But he has to surfer a day to day battle from which the courts have taking his children from him. Even to the extreme where Steve isn’t allowed to see his very own children that strive reside in the very same state he still lives in. So tune in to hear the rest of the story that even made the local news. And now you have your chance to hear his story and ask any question that you may have. Steve will be on this Thursday here on thehttp://www.wnlmradio.com/ from 7 pm pacific/ 9pm Central / 10 pm Eastern. The call in Number 707-701-3325 or contact via Skype (search for ID: Timmmay73 Revolution’s Archive here:https://soundcloud.com/gentlemansforum.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qts_8V3a6RM“
“We PA parents struggle especially hard this time of the year to try and make up for our loss by pretending it’s not a loss, by pretending it’s a strengthening exercise, or by reaching out to others on the internet and elsewhere who have also lost children to the misguided bitterness of a ex-spouse bent on destroying the relationship between a child and a parent. But sometimes the depths of the holiday void can be too much, sometimes we expect a whole lot more, and sometimes our rationalizations deliver less than we expect. And it’s at times like these when comments like “Hang in there,” “Don’t give up,” or “I’ll pray for you” – all from kind souls who mean well – are seen as meaningless pabulum, slaps to the face, and failures to acknowledge our all-too-important pain and brush it aside as little more than meaningless family-related trivia – something we may tolerate at any other time of the year but can’t now when our emotions are extra raw, as they are during the holidays.” http://nomoresecretsandlies.blogspot.com/2013/12/parental-alienation-during-holidays.html
“I need advice. I talked to my oldest (16, male) via text messaging and he cussed me and was acting ugly. I didn’t correct him but I feel like if I don’t, it’s like I’m saying him treating me this way is okay. Any suggestions on how to handle this? He used his father’s phone to talk to me, and I don’t know if his dad and stepmom are aware of any of the convo (but I wouldn’t doubt it if they were).”
“I got to talk to my children twice by phone when the ex first took them away. After that, the phone was never answered….When the final divorce was declared, it was certain that I would not be able to talk to my children again. I was destroyed. I went through 3 rounds in the psych ward. I eventually ended up in a tent in the middle of winter in an Iowa state park.” https://livinglifebetter.wordpress.com/2015/01/13/the-effects-of-parental-alienation/
“As we are heading into the holiday season, a time when family and friends look forward to being together and celebrating, I would like everyone to remember that there are hundreds of thousands of others who are suffering. They have lost loved ones, or are alienated from their own children, and for us, the holidays are a time that only magnifies the pain we feel all year, and the many reminders of all the fun things we could and should be doing with those we love is a dagger to our hearts. We are fighting for change, because dying a slow death from grief is not living, it is just another form of dying, and this type of abuse cannot continue any longer. Everyone of us matters, everyone of our children needs and loves us, just as much as we need and love them. Please take care of yourself during this difficult time of year. Please don’t give up, and know you’re not alone. We are here for anyone who needs to reach out, and we will never stop fighting, for you, for ourselves, and most of all for our children.www.naasca.org/forourkids“
“Thinking of you always, my beautiful daughter. Of course, the (holiday) season brings a lot of difficulties for those others of our number going without seeing their children, but then again, this goes on every day of every year for us. I know – I just know, that one day you’re going to come back to me and I live in the grace of that knowledge. I talk to you each night as I travel home from work. I see the same moon that you’re probably seeing and I share my thoughts and prayers with you as though you’re right beside me. Do you remember, that when we were walking to day care or to school in the early morning hours, that I give you my little motivational speech about having a good day and kindness toward others and how school is so important? You used to hold my hand and shuffle along beside me and listen. I remember the hug and kiss that you gave me before I set off and how you’d say, have a good day, daddy. That memory is as crisp as if it happened five minutes ago. It is among the most valuable moments in my life with you that will never go away. That beautiful child is still within you, my sweet and one day, it’ll re emerge and the hate you were taught will wash away like dirt beneath a waterfall. We’ll be together and we will win. I hope you have the best Christmas of all as I will, knowing that I’ve got a beautiful daughter out there, blessing the world“
The post below is from a woman’s blog about the experience of having her own Mother erased from her life.
I am three years old. You are no longer in our home and my world is shattered. I saw Daddy’s anger toward you and I will be careful not to make him angry at me too.
I am four years old and my visits with you are dwindling. Please do not give up your rights. Take what action you can, whatever action is right and necessary. Find those who can help you. Find those who will hold you up, because my world depends upon you not giving up. Do not believe Daddy when he says I am better off without you. I need you to know that is a lie.
I am five years old and you dare to show up on my birthday, to deliver a gift. I want you to know that I am so glad you are there, but I am afraid to say so. I…
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Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
The inherently dysfunctional “codependency dance” requires two opposite but distinctly balanced partners: the pleaser/fixer (codependent) and the taker/controller (narcissist/addict). Codependents, who are giving, sacrificing, and consumed with the needs and desires of others, do not know how to emotionally disconnect or avoid romantic relationships with individuals who are narcissistic – individuals who are selfish, self-centered, controlling, and harmful to them. Codependents habitually find themselves on a “dance floor” attracted to partners who are a perfect counter-match to their uniquely passive, submissive and acquiescent dance style.
As natural followers in their relationship “dance,” codependents are passive and accommodating dance partners. Codependents find narcissistic dance partners deeply appealing as they are perpetually attracted to their charm, boldness, confidence and domineering personality. When codependents and narcissists pair up, the dancing experience sizzles with excitement – at least in the beginning. After many “songs,” the enthralling and thrilling dance…
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