Monthly Archives: July 2014

Judge’s official position

Illinois Child Representatives and GALs

Protest outside Daley Center Courthouse, Chicago 8-12-11, Regarding Injustices in Family Court & Probate Court, See: http://ilgovabuse.com Protest outside Daley Center Courthouse, Chicago 8-12-11, Regarding Injustices in Family Court & Probate Court, See: http://ilgovabuse.com

The following are comments from Judge Dickler, Presiding Judge of the Circuit Court of Cook County Domestic Relations Division at a meeting of the Illinois State Bar Association Family Law Division on June 11th, 2012, in regards to court-appointed child representatives (CRs) and guardian ad litems (GALs)

[Address of Daley Center = 50 West Washington, Chicago, IL  60602]

Dickler, Grace G. Presiding Judge

Domestic Relations,

Daley Center Rm.1901-A

312 603-6556

No job is more important in our division than ensuring that the children of divorce are protected. (In reference to CRs/GALs.)

The Committee is also reviewing … whether we have a responsibility and whether a procedure should exist for removing inappropriate child representatives from the list.

Now for comments from a lawyer actually dedicated to protecting children

I cannot even believe that they have to determine…

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Targeted Parents & Social Media, PAAO, USA Inc

How many of you have been backed into a corner, while bullies and mercenaries in family court assist your abusive spouse in taking away your own Heartsong? Your precious child? And you feel like you must continually keep the “high ground”. Don’t stoop to that level. Don’t be, God forbid, an alienating parent. Well, what do we tell our kids down the road later, when they (maybe) learn the truth about the lies and maneuvers? Many of these kids say “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH!” Yes, our kids deserve to hear OUR truth. The truth about ourselves, and our devoted love to them. They deserve to have the record set straight about us. Being a Targeted parent makes us walk on eggshells all the time, in order to try harder, be better, try to measure up, to miss a never ending barrage of loaded, toxic missiles. But we are not perfect, nor should we ever expect ourselves to be!!! And we must not be silent!!!!!

AMother'sHeartSongsUnsilenced

PARENTAL ALIENATION TIP OF THE DAY – SHOULD TARGET PARENTS USE SOCIAL MEDIA?

Wendy Archer, November 9, 2013 at 9:19am

Do you know a child or young adult who is alienated from one of their parents?  If so, are you “friends” with the parent who has a relationship with the alienated child or young adult also known as the favored parent?  Does this favored parent say to you “The reason *child’s name* doesn’t talk to *other parent* is because *other parent* posts about them and posts about parental alienation on social media.  If the other parent didn’t post anything about them or about parental alienation on social media, then they would talk to the other parent.”

If you know an alienated child and are friends with the favored (alienating) parent, you’ve probably heard this and it might have even sounded reasonable to you. You might have thought “Gee, that sounds…

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“Lie List” – Tier 1 forensic evidence of Parental Alienation

I recently ran across this post from a well-respected mental health professional and expert in the field of parental alienation, Dr. J. Michael Bone, PhD.   As a forensic evaluator, he gives a brief description of some Tier 1 evidence of PA, or Parental Alienation – the “Lie List”.  This really resonated with me, as I have just recently posted here an abbreviated version of my ex-husband’s lies that he has used to manipulate our son, some of my family, some of his family, some of our friends, as well as some of the court professionals.  Interestingly enough, it was about one year ago that a dear family member encouraged me to begin to compile a catalog of his lies versus the truth.  This was due to the fact that more family members were connecting the dots on all of the lies.  It was painful, and I avoided it for a long time.  What was shocking was how long it took to compile this extensive list, until those of us intimately acquainted with the situation realized it was an entire web of lies, spanning many years, beginning with little “jabs” poking fun, and then responding “Oh, I was just kidding”,  mushroomeing over the years, until I was already isolated from some people without even realizing it.
J Michael Bone, PhD – Parental Alienation

“Another category example of Tier 1 evidence would be what has been referred to as the “Lie List.” As I believe all would agree, parental alienation cases are rife with false abuse allegations against the targeted parent. Such false allegations include a range of severity from, on one end, alleging that a responsible parent is is negligent; to alleging on the other end, that the targeted parent has abused the child. The common denominator to all of this range of allegations is that they are all based on lies, untruths, distortions and manufactured information. I always advise parents to first look in the area of false allegations for examples of lies that rise to the Tier 1, or rock solid level. Such examples of this might be claiming that a parent had abused or molested a child at a certain place and time, when, at a later date, it is revealed that targeted parent could prove that they were elsewhere. The first sub-step in gathering this type of evidence would be to get the alienating parent to commit to the specifics of the exact date and time, and get them anchored to that date and time, making that an integral part of the allegation. This is especially helpful if the alienating parent can get witnesses to join them in the false allegation. When this is the case, it is fairly easy to peel the onion of the truth and reveal the deception. A few examples like these can go a great distance in exposing the alienating parent.

Let me give another example. Imagine that a father is newly separated and has been told by his lawyer to go to the marital residence and to videotape the contents, to make stealing it more difficult. Let us say that the father goes to the house, video camera in hand, and calmly films as directed by his lawyer. On the video, we see the mother (AP in this example) become more and more agitated, to the point that she leaves hysterical with both children, a toddler and an infant. Keep in mind, all of this is videotaped. Fast forward now several years. The mother and minor children have moved to another state and a custody evaluator has been appointed to do an evaluation. This custody evaluator is told by the mother, her version of this incident. It went something like this. “He (father ) came over and was yelling and threatening and was terrifying. I had to run out of the house to a next door neighbors and hide in their closet.” Let us assume that the custody evaluator bought this story hook, line and sinker. Let us further assume that the recommendations produced by the evaluator is that the father has a high potential for abuse and has explosive anger. Now let us further assume that all are in court and the father’s attorney successfully gets the mother to describe in vivid and emotional detail to the court her terrifying (false) account of this incident, since it figured in such a prominent place in the evaluation. Then let us assume that the lawyer was successful in getting her to tie this scary experience to the specific date on the time stamped video. Then let us assume that the attorney then offers the video into evidence and it is played for the court. As the Judge listened to the description provided by the mother and then compared it to what was seen on the video, the mother’s credibility was completely shot and it became then very easy for the court to see that the mother’s vilification of the father was the centerpiece theme of the entire case. This would be a good example of Tier 1 evidence.”

Parental Alienation Is Emotional Abuse of Children

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/caught-between-parents/201106/parental-alienation-is-emotional-abuse-children

Parental Alienation Is Emotional Abuse of Children

Should children be allowed to choose one parent over the other

Parental alienation is a set of strategies that parents use to undermine and interfere with a child’s relationship with his or her other parent. This often but not always happens when parents are engaged in a contested custody battle. There is no one definitive set of behaviors that constitute parental alienation but research with both parents and children has revealed a core set of alienation strategies, including bad-mouthing the other parent, limiting contact with that parent, erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child (forbidding discussion and pictures of the other parent), forcing the child to reject the other parent, creating the impression that the other parent is dangerous, forcing the child to choose, and belittling and limiting contact with the extended family of the targeted parent.

Parents who try to alienate their child from his or her other parent convey a three-part message to the child: (1) I am the only parent who loves you and you need me to feel good about yourself, (2) the other parent is dangerous and unavailable, and (3) pursuing a relationship with that parent jeopardizes your relationship with me. In essence the child receives the message that s/he is worthless and unloved and only of value for meeting the needs of others. This is the core experience of psychological maltreatment (emotional abuse) as defined by the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children (APSAC).

Research with “adult children” of parental alienation syndrome (that is, adults who believe that when they were children one parent turned them against the other parent) confirms that being exposed to parental alienation represents a form of emotional abuse. Furthermore, these adults reported that when they succumbed to the pressure and rejected one parent to please the other, the experience was associated with several negative long-term effects including depression, drug abuse,divorce, low self-esteem, problems with trusting, and alienation from their own children when they became parents themselves. In this way the cycle of parental alienation was carried forward through the generations. Thus, parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse that damages the child’s self esteem in the short run and is associated with life-long damage.

As is often true with other forms of abuse, the child victims of parental alienation are not aware that they are being mistreated and often cling vehemently to the favored parent, even when that parent’s behavior is harmful to them. This is why, mental health and legal professionals involved in cases of parental alienation need to look closely at the family dynamics and determine what the cause of the child’s preferences for one parent and rejection of the other parent are. If the favored parent is found to be instigating the alignment and the rejected parent is found to be a potential positive and non abusive influence, then the child’s preferences should not be strictly heeded. The truth is, despite strongly held positions of alignment, inside many alienated children want nothing more than to be given permission and freedom to love and be loved by both parents.